I do. I want to be a published author. And by published, I mean hold it in my hands a smell the goodness of a new book, published. (My English teacher friends are going to tell me I have to quite started my sentences with “and” to get published…)
I only recently claimed this dream. I’ve been writing academically for what feels like ages. I assumed when I finally finished school, I’d never want to write again. But I missed it. The writing. So I started this blog.
I recently participated in Jeff Goins’ 15 Habits of a Writer. One day, he challenged us to get up 2 hours earlier than normal and write. As I prepared for the challenge, I wondered what I would write about for two hours. I wanted to work on an eBook, something I could give away to my readers. Faithful as always, the Lord gave me an idea for that eBook. During those early mornings hours, I wrote out an outline and introduction. I also set the goal of having this eBook completed by October to take with me to Allume.
But here’s the rub. I just can’t do anything half way. I can’t just throw together an eBook. If I’m going to do it, my nature is that it must be done well and right. I needed time to think, process, and research. So I began procrastinating and feeling guilty for avoiding this eBook.
Also, at this place in my life, I just don’t have that kind of time. I have a little one to chase, and my husband is currently studying for a major exam in addition to working a full time job. Since the morning of that challenge, I’ve written about 500 words on the eBook. I felt like a failure because I was not committed enough to make this eBook happen.
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
and then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
Like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load
Or does it explode?
I felt like my dream was sagging like the heavy load. Then, in God’s beautiful timing, I read this post by Jessica at Muthering Heights. Just the title itself (Be Relived: It’s Really Okay) made me take pause. Jessica eloquently reminds us that there is no shame if we are unable to chase wholeheartedly after our Big Dream right now.
There is a season for everything in life. What season is it now in your life? <——Tweet This!
And so I was reminded of a dream I had long before my dream of being an author. My dream of being a wife and mother. This is the dream I’m living right now. This is the season I am in, and it is good. I refuse to feel guilty for devoting my time to the precious blonde men in my life. The time will come all too soon that my little one will leave my nest, and then I will have plenty of time to chase my dream of becoming an author full force, God willing. A new season will come.
For now, I will write during naps and after bed time. Slowly, the eBook will come together. In God’s time, not mine.
I pray your dream (and mine too!) explodes, in a good way and in God’s timing!
What season of life are you in? Do you have dreams on hold for this season? How do you deal with that?
What are your dreams? Please share in the comments!
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Photo Credit: Patrick Feller