I don’t really know how to even describe my feelings during and after Allume. They are surely not what I expected and probably not what you’re expecting either.
I fully expected to come home from Allume chock full of ideas and enthusiasm for blogging–chomping at the bits to get started. That’s not how I feel at all. I have a couple of ideas brewing in the back of my head, but the most significant thing I’ve come home from Allume with is the need to pull back just a bit.
Not from blogging, necessarily, but from everything else. Facebook and Twitter and Stats and daily writing.
I started blogging because I love to write and I wanted an outlet to write and share my love for Christ in the process.
What I didn’t expect was to meet so many totally awesome people while blogging. This weekend only confirmed that these people I’ve met really are incredible. When you combine incredible people with an already easily addicting (for lack of a better word) medium like social media and the internet–it’s so easy to get lost in this world of the interwebs. Time passes more quickly here. Every little red badge notification or e-mail alert taken as another sign that I matter–someone likes what I said or wants to talk to me.
Let me back up a bit.
The second my husband walked out the door of the airport with my son–the second my heart walked away from my body–I began to freak out. What was I doing? Why was I leaving the two people I love more than anything?
It took me a full 24 hours to pull myself together. Every time I thought about Thomas I wanted to lay down and cry. If it hadn’t cost an arm and a leg for me to fly home early–I probably seriously would have considered it. Finally, Friday afternoon, I went to my room and let it out. I cried and cried because I missed my baby.
I firmly believe God called me to this conference–but not for the reasons that I expected. It was in the being away from what matters the most that I truly felt it in my gut. I say it all the time–blogging isn’t the most important thing–but my time and attitude towards distractions and interruptions from blogging and all the social media that goes along with it would say something else.
My heart is with my baby and my husband. I don’t know who said it this weekend–but they reminded me that you have to go out and LIVE–then come back and write about it. That is precisely what I plan to do. Not that I wasn’t really living before, but I feel like I was beginning the slippery slope into a place where many of my relationships were online. That’s not where I want to live.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that no matter how “real” we are online, there is always a tinge of “unrealistic” to these relationships. We aren’t responding to each other in real time which changes things. There were tons of people I really wanted to sit down a “talk” with this weekend, but it just didn’t happen because we had a finite amount of time to work with. Even though I’m able to easily respond to their tweets and comments here, I was unable to truly connect with them in person because of time constraints. That’s hard, but that is real life. There isn’t time for deep connections with everyone. (I apologize for this tangent…refocusing now…)
Going back to what I was saying earlier–about all the awesome people I’ve met blogging. They really are great. (I’ll try to write more about this part later) But I’ve got tons of great sitting at my feet playing, waking up beside me every morning, and in this community that I live and breath in.
I’m going to run hard after those relationships. The ones I can interact with in real time and dig deep with in more than 140 characters. I’m going to pursue them. I encourage you to do the same. Sally Clarkson told us Saturday morning that no one ever invites her places–she always does the inviting. I’m like that too, and sometimes it frustrates me. But in the end it’s so much better than the other option–being isolated.
What does that mean for this space? I’m not 100% sure. I definitely plan to keep writing, but probably not daily. I’ll be around on social media, but I probably won’t respond as quickly. I’ve met too many great people on this short journey to abandon ship, but my main thing is going to be my main thing. Hold me accountable to that?
My challenge for you this week is to step out and make plans to do something IN PERSON with someone. Make a new friend. Plan a play date. Get out of the house. Take a chance–it might change your life.
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