Who are you? Where do you find your identity?

I describe myself in many ways in various situations. I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. I’m also a homemaker, teacher, and counselor. Each of these roles makes up a part of who I am–who God created me to be. Depending on the situation, a different role will be prominent. Each of these roles holds a special place in my life with significant meaning so when someone asks me who I am, my response is usually filled with one of these roles (if not all!). I find that other individuals have similar responses.

However, despite the extreme importance of each of these roles in my life, none of them can be the foundation on which I build my identity. They may be building blocks that are built on top of the foundation, but they are not strong enough to be the foundation of my identity. Why?

If we look closely at these roles, they fall easily into two categories: relationships and positions. So it seems we most often define ourselves by the relationships most important to us and the positions that we hold. Understanding how we define ourselves is important because this affects our view of ourselves and how we feel about ourselves and the work that fills our lives.

Let’s examine these two areas that seem to easily define us.

Defining Myself by Relationships

Our entire lives are made up of relationships, so its easy to pull those that are dearest to our hearts (and take most of our energy!) and build our lives with one or more of them as the foundation. I spend the bulk of my time as a mother. Thomas is usually the first thing on my brain when I wake up and one of the last things on my brain when I got to bed. Nearly everything I do during the day takes him into consideration or is for him directly. I am very much his mother.

But one day, he will grow up. Gradually, he will require less and less of my time until eventually he will move off to start his own life. I know I will have other children, but they too will grow up to build their own lives. Yes, I will still be their mother, but if I have built my identity and life on that role, where or better yet who will I be when they are gone? How will I view myself when the majority of my day-to-day mothering duties are finished?

Because relationships change and evolve constantly, they are not a solid foundation on which to build my identity.

We will disappoint our parents. We will have dry seasons in our marriages. Friends will move away. Children will grow up.  Sadly, loved ones will die. Relationships will change.

If we choose to build our lives on the foundation of relationships with other people, we are committing ourselves to a lifetime of being forced to redefine and/or reinvent ourselves as those relationships fluctuate and change. But there is one relationship that is solid and stable. Steady and true. Our relationship with Jesus Christ will never change. Yes, we will grow in our knowledge of Him and our faith will mature, but Christ is our solid rock. He is the firm foundation on which we can build our identity and our lives (2 Tim 2:19).

Every other relationship is simply a building block that must rest on His firm foundation.

Defining Myself by Position

Our culture highly praises position. The degrees you have. Where you attended college. The corporation for which you work. Your job title. These are the tools we use to jockey for position in our society. It’s as if we think these items give us value or worth. The more prestigious my degree, the larger my company, the better my job title, the higher my salary–then the more valuable I am. Anyone who has lived through this economy knows what shifting sands those things are to build your identity upon.

I’ve struggled with this greatly. I worked very hard throughout my academic career to maintain the highest standards. I graduated in the top of my class at every level, and I was highly praised for it. I felt secure in the position I had in an academic setting, which had been a huge part of my identity nearly my whole life. Now I’ve been out of school for nearly two years. I’ve worked barely part-time since I graduated and spend most of my days at home with a little one. Not a highly praised position in our society but yet exactly where the Lord wanted me to be. I was humbled when my position changed from one that is highly praised to one not so much.

Position in society does not provide a firm foundation on which to build your identity because position comes and goes with the changing of the wind. Again, choosing to define yourself in this way sets you up for a lifetime of wondering who you are as your position changes. But there is one position you can hold that will never change. In Christ, we are adopted into the family of God–we are his sons and daughters (Eph 1:5; 1 John 3:1). We are priests in a royal priesthood of believers (1 Peter 2:9). These positions will never change. They make up a firm foundation on which we can build our identity.

If you are unsure about whether you are in Christ or have a relationship with Him, see this post or email me at newlifesteward {at} gmail {dot} com

Jobs and positions are an important necessity in life and undoubtedly make up significant parts of who we are, but they must be put in their proper place–as building blocks on the foundation of our position in God’s family.

A Firm Foundation

As you can see, a solid foundation is found in our relationship with Jesus Christ and our position in His family as sons and daughters of God. As we explore Ephesians 1 in the coming weeks, we will see just what this says about our identity.

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