Ignoring the Good Girl and Giving Genuine

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Two Dogs

“Honesty before God is the only safe place, and I believe he is wise enough and loving enough and intuitive enough to usher us into honesty with people.” Emily Freeman in Grace for the Good Girl

I’m just going to be honest here. Today was a hard day. Totally not fine.

It’s funny how I hear God speak to me…crystal clear. I step out in faith, following His leading with absolute peace about my decision. Excited even.

Then one conversation from someone I love and respect brings it all–my confidence, excitement, peace—crashing down.

Resulting in shouting, defensiveness, the ugly cry.

Doubts.

Fears.

Those same ones I just talked about last week–creeping back in to rear their ugly heads.

The good girl in me says that I should deal with this on my own. She even says that to seek out someone else to help me process my thoughts and feelings would be to depend on someone other than God.

Initially I listen to her.

I sit in my car and cry. Allowing my thoughts to run wild. Giving in. Second guessing everything I thought I knew for certain.

But God knew better than that good girl in me.

By His grace, my husband called and bless his heart, he just listened! He listened to my ugly cry, my jumbled words, my fear. He listened. He did not try to fix. His only words: “I’m sorry.”

At home, beginning to regain my center, God gently reminded me of what I already knew. He reaffirmed His leading in my life.

However, I still felt the need to process. The need to talk it out with a trusted friend. But I resisted. Fearful. What if she agrees with him?

“Only as I depend on and trust in and fully disclose to the One who knows anyways will I be able to discern when I’m fine-ing someone who deserves genuine. We don’t have to tell everyone how we are doing…But it is important that we tell someone.” Emily Freeman in Grace for the Good Girl

I read those words this afternoon–when I needed to hear them. When I needed to act on them.

So I called a close friend, and she did not answer–again with the doubts and fears. The lies in my head telling me I should not tell her the truth. The good girl, got it all together, reputation will be tarnished.

Later in the evening she texts me. I tell her everything is fine. She persists. I tell her in one sentence what happened and that I will call later.

I finally call her. And even then I attempt to take a chance to back out of the conversation when her baby starts crying. But she settles the baby and stays on the line, and I tell her the whole truth–what happened today, my poor response, my real, honest feelings about the whole issue–which is much larger than just today. Again, like my husband, she just listened. She offered empathy and understanding but no judgment. The phone call ended with her giving me some sound suggestions for handling the situation. Our friendship deepened through a moment of shared honesty.

I had no reason to fear being open and honest when following God’s leading to share with someone who deserves genuine.

I needed to write this to finish processing the day. But I wonder about you…

Do you allow one person’s words to send you into a complete tailspin of doubt? Do you fear showing someone the real you? That you don’t have it all together? Admitting that you have doubts? Do you have someone in your life who deserves genuine? How do you know when you find that sort of friend?

This post is linked with thanks to:

Works for Me Wednesday
iFellowship
Women in the Word Wednesday
Living Well Wednesday
Whatever Wednesday

Photo Credit: Emiliano Horcada

Comments

  1. Julie Johnson says:

    you had the same day I did! amazing how one person’s thoughtless words can knock us down so easily. thank you for sharing.

  2. “Second guessing everything I thought I knew for certain.”

    I can so relate. I hate it when that happens! It doesn’t happen only by someone saying something, one of my own thoughts or my interpretation of any given situation can send me into a tailspin just as fast.

    I do have people in my life who deserve genuine and I usually give it to them. They are the friends who kind of don’t accept any other answer. The ones who lovingly look me square in the eye and intuitively know not to believe my fine. It’s hard to explain how I know when I’ve met this kind of friend. There’s a kind of quickening of my spirit when I first meet them and I just know we’ll be close. Sometimes, for one reason or another, it’s taken years to get there, but these women have become my closest and most trusted friends. It’s rare and wonderful.

    • What a blessing! To find a friend that just knows when they need to push you a bit is amazing! I have a select few of those and I live pretty far away from two of them so it’s hard!
      I also experience my own thoughts sending me into a tailspin! The good girl in me especially freaks out when someone else says something though. It’s safer when it’s just in my head and no one else knows.
      Mary Beth

  3. Mary Beth, interestingly I have run into you from this book study as well as from Jeff Goins’ challenge! :) I had forgotten where your blog was and found you again just now from this study. 

    I can relate so well to what you have shared here. Especially the shouting, defensive, ugly crying part that rears its ugly head in us as good girls. I think I am just realizing at this point in life how much I tend to blame others or defend myself when I am hurt or perceive that someone is attacking me even when they are rightly correcting me. I want to be able to examine others’ words and thoughts and not take them so personally. I am learning now when and where it is appropriate to disclose these thoughts. So far, I am finding fellow “good girls” to be a safe place. :) 

    Thanks for sharing! 

    • I’m learning that I have to discern who to give genuine as well as when. Sometimes a person is worthy of our genuine at one point, but not at another. I want to be able to receive correction when necessary, but I also need to be able to stand firm in what I know God has called me to despite what others say. It’s a fine line!

      I’m glad you found your way back!

  4. You know I get this. I let – too often – the thoughts/opinions/doubts of others affect how I feel about a situation. I’m empathetic, to a fault, where I let other people influence me too much. I just want to focus on God. Holley Gerth said it beautifully, “please One, love all” – my goal for this year :)

  5. Sometimes, yes, I can second guess myself–but if I know beyond a doubt God has told me something, I know I can cling to that and not worry about what man thinks. I know not everyone has that luxury or ability. But faith in Him is something I’ve had and clung to see He began drawing me in as a child.

    Excellent words here…you did awesome!

    • Thanks for your encouragement! This is the first time in my life that I’ve experienced such opposition to what I truly feel God has led me to. In the past, though shocked at first, those close to me became supportive pretty quickly. Not this time. :) I’m choosing to trust Him. It’s just hard. Which you know. :)

      Mary Beth

  6. I am brand new to your blog.  But I wanted to tell you, that I just see loveliness all around in it.  The header.  Your picture.  The color scheme.  Your heart in this post!  Thank you so much!

  7. Misty Leask says:

    I know that I don’t have it all together! No doubt! I do let words take root in my heart, without thinking or even praying about them. How blessed we are to have friends that will listen, just listen. Then at the right moment they have encouragement and advice to nurture our hearts with! Remember there are blue skies up ahead ;) 

  8. Misty Leask says:

    I know that I don’t have it all together! No doubt! I do let words take root in my heart, without thinking or even praying about them. How blessed we are to have friends that will listen, just listen. Then at the right moment they have encouragement and advice to nurture our hearts with! Remember there are blue skies up ahead ;) 

  9. Thanks for your post, I have not read the book but have been very convicted regarding my genuineness with others.  I’m finding that it is mostly my pride that keeps me from being open and allowing my imperfection to show.  I beleive that if I can embrace the not so nice parts of myself and live in a more genuine manner then my relationship with others and with God will become more intimate.  It is a struggle to lay the “good girl” down and live honestly rather than pleasing “others” all the time. I pray that you will be blessed in many ways for your honesty.

    •  I think acknowledging the “not so nice” parts helps to loosen their grip on us. Once we’ve put it out there, for some reason they become easier to overcome! They aren’t a secret anymore!

  10. I am so glad I found your blog. This is something I do struggle with. It has taken me 29 years to realize that I am my own beautiful/loving/weird person who God created me to be. I can no longer put stock in the words of “that person.” It’s been a long journey and I am only half way there.  

  11. Becky Daye says:

    Prayed for you last night when I saw your writer block update on twitter.  I think you handled this very well and I will continue to pray that God will work in your heart.  You are not alone!  

Trackbacks

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