The Woman You Don’t See {Guest Post}

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All the lonely people, where do they all come from? There’s a woman sitting in your church service or maybe serving beside you. She might be the one taking care of the babies in the nursery or doing puppet shows with the children. Maybe she’s at your work and her desk sits next to yours. Or quite possibly she’s in your family – a niece, cousin, or sister? This is the woman you don’t see even though she’s there.

And to tell you a little secret, she’s a woman who needs you.

This woman is a single woman – one without a spouse.

She may be 21 or 31 or 51. The age does not matter. But she’s a woman who most likely wishes she had what you have – the whole life-ever-after. Of course we know that marriage and children, the dog and the picket fence don’t really exist exactly how we dream about them. But that doesn’t matter to this woman. She just wants a family to serve and love and spend her days with.

And she wants a friend to walk with her until she gets there.

This woman lives in a world where everywhere she goes is a reminder of what she doesn’t have and what she wants. It is a reminder of a life she feels is her calling, too. She sits there, alone, and wonders, “Why not me?”, “What’s wrong with me?”, “Did I do something wrong?”.

She needs you to tell her she’s o.k.

This woman wonders where she’ll go on Sunday afternoon when everyone else goes out to eat with their families. She wants to know where she’ll spend Thanksgiving Day. She dreads another Friday night alone. After all, this world is made for family, right?

She needs you to invite her into yours.

There is no real place for this woman. Unfortunately the church doesn’t quite know what to do with her. The college and career class isn’t a good fit and neither is the single-over-50 class. She’s just there, in the periphery. Wanting a place that’s hers.

She needs you to give her a place.

This woman questions everything. Is it time to buy a house? When do you know when love is real? How do you let a man lead? Should I take the new job? But she doesn’t have anyone there, day-in and day-out, to bounce her thoughts off of, so she does the best she can.

She needs you to give her your insight.

How do I know this woman so well? Because I used to be her. I am a recovering single.

And I needed you so badly. I needed you to reach out your hand. I was ready to grab it, but I just wanted to know that you were there first.

Married friends, the single woman you don’t see is probably right beside you. I encourage you find her and encourage her. Be the community that isn’t right there in her home.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:12

Don’t know how to start? I have the perfect companion. I wrote an eBook out of my experience as a single woman called Fall for Him: 25 Challenges from a Recovering Single. It’s available now in PDF and Kindle formats. The purpose is to help single women see that their life is not waiting out there in the future for them. Their life is now. But it can only be fully revealed by being surrendered to Jesus.

This book is a great gift for that woman in your life – the one you may not see, but quite possibly the one you do. Maybe your niece, cousin, or sister. Maybe your best friend.

Go ahead. Reach out your hand. Bless this special woman with your love. Give her an eBook that will help. You can purchase a copy by visiting


Brenda considers herself a “recovering single” after years as a single woman chasing her dreams instead of God’s dreams for her. Now she lives with her two miracles: her husband who God physically saved from Cardiomyopathy after a dramatic heart transplant and her baby girl who will be born this month from those three hearts. Brenda encourages women to live a life surrendered to Jesus in every season on her blog, Triple Braided, and she recently published her first eBook, Fall for Him: 25 Challenges from a Recovering Single. You can also connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

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This post is linked with thanks to:

On Your Heart
Soli Deo Gloria
Hip Homeschool Moms
Top {Ten} Tuesday
What I Learned This Week
Titus 2sdays
Teach Me Tuesday
Domestically Divine

Heart and Home Linkup
Photo Credit: Stephen Brace

Affiliate links present. See Disclosure Policy.


  1. The only thing I would mildly caution (and this is such a “no duh” kind of a think I don’t mean to be insulting!), is to not assume that all single people have this kind of experience. Just as not all married people are blissfully married (this makes me sad), not all single people are lacking in community. I’m guessing you know this ;) … but just wanted to publicly say it :)

  2. Brenda, loved seeing you here! and I am thrilled about your ministry here…thank you for sharing it. for encouraging us to reach out our hand…

  3. Thank you, Brenda! You hit the nail on the head. Thank you for remembering how it was (and how it still is for some of us!) You are a blessing and a true friend! Love, Carolyn

  4. I so enjoyed this post. There are a handful of single women in my life that I know can relate with these words, and I hope I can be a blessing to them in the ways you suggest. Thank you! I will pass this on!


  1. […] I am a guest writer at New Life Steward, and I am writing more about this woman we are missing  – the woman you don’t see. Will you […]

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