I married in to a ready made family. My husband already had two children from a previous marriage, who were 8 and 6 at the time.
Growing up with a step-mom and step-dad in my life, I felt prepared to take on the role of step-mom myself.
For the first two years of our marriage, my husband and I put all of our energy in to the lives of those two kids. We were busy, but we had so much fun. It didn’t matter if it was our time with them or they were with their mom. We stayed involved in their activities. We wanted them to know they could count on us to be involved in their lives.
I wanted to be involved and I wanted to be supportive but my biggest struggle was finding the line I couldn’t cross.
How much of myself am I allowed to pour in to them? How much is enough? How much is too much?
It is and was a constant struggle for me.
I care so much about their feelings and always want them to feel loved, but there are also times when I give of myself too much and then MY feelings are the ones that end up getting hurt.
I constantly have to remind myself that I’m just the step-mom. I just want to be a really GOOD one!
They have a mom and I never want to invade on that relationship, but it’s so hard to find that fine line. Where does my relationship with them stop?
Over the years, as we’ve added three more babies in to our family, I’ve found a couple of answers to my relationship questions. Not without lots of prayer, though.
I’m their cheerleader.
They can count on me to encourage them in whatever they are doing. I want them to know they always have my support. I’ll be in the stands on most game days, cheering them on.
In my home, I’m the mom.
Yes, they have a mom, but when they are in our home, I’m the mom of our family. Fortunately, they respect me enough to appreciate that. When their dad is not around, I have to make discipline decisions, just like I would my own kids. I never want them to feel like they are treated any differently in our family.
Like our family, my relationship with them has grown a LOT over the years. As with any relationship, we have highs and lows, but at the end of the day, we truly love each other. They are great kids!
Yes, I’m constantly walking the fine line, but with a lot of practice and trial and error, I’ve found what works for us.
However, they are entering the teen years, so I’m sure I’ll be walking a new fine line before we know it!
Jamie is a wife to one, step-mom to two, and mommy to three. Most nap times you’ll find her working on DIY projects around the house, keeping the family calendar organized, or blogging at Roubinek Reality. Her nights involve whipping up the latest Pinterest find for dinner and watching whatever Dallas sports team is in season with her husband.
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